Well I'm on office duty, and seeing as no one is locked out at the moment, leaving me with nothing to do (other than my anthro paper which I am avidly avoiding), I might as well update. South Carolina was nice, although it made coming home to snow that much harder. It's niceish to be back at school, I didn't miss being here per se (although I missed my room and having all my stuff in one place), but I definitely missed my friends.
Lately I've been feeling a bit of an identity crisis, mostly in the sense that I feel like the person I am outwardly, that everyone sees, is drastically different from the me in my head... The only problem with this realization is that I have NO IDEA who the me in my head is. Like, I don't know how to express that person. It's really frustrating, because I feel like sometimes the situations I'm in dictate how I act, but that's a trait that has always frustrated me in other people. I guess a sort of example of the "me discrepancy" would be my schoolwork. I'm a perfectionist, so I want everything to be perfect when I turn it in, yet I can't seem to start ANYTHING until the night before it's due. Recipe for disaster, right there. I know I should start it, and I think about starting it, but then two hours later, there I am, still not getting any work done. Like right now. I soo don't need to be writing this. But here I am. Avoiding work. Once I sit down and do it, I know I can get through it quickly, it's just getting started.
On a side note about the perfectionism, I get to the point where I can get obsessive-compulsive about it. I used to be a lot worse in high school, but I guess I've learned to rein it in. Lately though, I've noticed that coming back. Pretty much what happens is something will set me off, and I'll start to get really agitated, and like, I know something is wrong, but I can't for the life of me tell you what it is. I just feel upset. In high school in math class this used to get me, I wouldn't be able to draw a straight line and I would be so upset about it, and trying to do it so many times that I would be almost in tears because I couldn't draw line straight, or draw a circle, or whatever. In elementary school I would get so frustrated through out day that I would get home and just cry, because I had been holding it in for so long. I hadn't felt agitated like that in a few years, but I've been noticing lately that it's coming back. I'll be super happy, and then 5 minutes later I feel like crying for no reason.
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